What is a Narcissist?
Narcissist personality disorder (NPD) or a narcissist, is someone who believes that they have a sense of entitlement over anyone and everyone whether they be in their life or not. If you are connected to a narcissistic person in anyway you will realize a deep sense of entitlement and control in your life. The longer you are with this person you will realize a deep sense of lack of self worth, freedom, confidence and at the most a sanity.
Narcissist are innately controlling and extremely manipulative and deceptive. But that coupled with hypocrisy and a stand on the double standard, it is hard pressed to find any common ground with a narcissistic person.
A narcissist will do anything they can to establish their dominance over a situation, even if it means lying to get what they what. They are extremely dependent on those that can help them get to their higher cause which is stepping on anyone’s back to get what they want.
What are the traits of a narcissist?
You may find that in the beginning a narcissist can be quite nice, sweet, beguiling, loving and chivalrous. After time this will change gradually over time.
If there is a sudden change to where it is something that they do not like you may notice a severe mood swing or even an all out rage. Over time this will continue to get worse.
Narcissist will do things that are not normal on a moral, ethical or value level. They have no regards for others around them and very often have very little respect for themselves, especially when it means that they will get what they want out of their situation.
You may notice a narcissist saying that they make the best choices and they just know. But knowing if a narcissist has made the best choices is up to debate because you will never really know the past of a narcissist, only what they want you to know.
Double standard and hypocrisy – These are some traits that will literally drive you crazy. You will notice that they have no limits to what they will do and want to do. However if you do the same thing you will usually been scorned and debased as a bad human. For example, the Narcissist will tend to cheat, but if you were to even look at someone or talk to someone of the opposite sex or even the same sex, be ready for 2 – 5 hours of hell.
A Narcissist is very easy to spot once you know the core characteristics, which usually stem around self. Here are just a few characteristics of a Narcissist:
- The most important person on a grandiose scale – Understandably if this person is the most gorgeous successful person that you have ever seen then there may be merit to this. However a narcissist rarely matches their own concept of who they are. Usually on a scale of 1 – 10 on their greatness they are a perfect 10, but may vary much likely fall at 2-4 and most of the time this will be lower than you.
- Delusional or over excessive fantasies about greatness, richness or beauty – They will be millionaires because of some miraculous event, or they will find a perfect match that gives them everything and does everything for them, but they rarely put out the mental, spiritual or physical effort to achieve this.
- Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions) note: the special people tend to be overlooked e.g., the empath
- Always in need of over the top admiration – they tend to need someone telling them at all times that they are special or beautiful – which is usually why a narcissist ends up with someone who has a particular fetish which hinders their mate from seeing who they really are. Obsessive people will feed into the false ego of a narcissist.
- Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
- Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
- Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
- Has obsessive or over the top envy issues – will usually hide this but will attack another person that they are envious of in duplicity. On the flip side of this they will also believe that others are envious of them
- Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes – Even if you are making 3 times more money, smarter than they, have achieved more than them. You will never be better than them in their eyes because they will have their rose colored glasses on about themselves. Don’t even try to say what you have done for them in the past. It means absolutely nothing.
Some Narcissist have been classified as bi-polar as their rage can be terrible and horrifying to the onlooker. You may try to calm them down but if you have not interjected at the right time, or their anger is geared towards you, you will notice that there is no calming them down. This is the most extreme form of anger from a narcissist. they will not be able to hear you and will begin to bring all of their narcissist traits out during this time.
What is a narcissistic abuse?
If you feel that you are being abused more so than anyone else that you have been with or more so than anyone that they have been with, then you are probably the codependent (clinical term) or an empath(spiritual term). YOU are the prime target for a narcissist (clinical term)/psychic vampires(spiritual term) and you are more likely to fall victim to their abuse than anyone else, that is why they chose you.
You are a giver a helper and feel things deeply and can almost feel the vibration from their pain and misery. They will feed off of this. Here are a few examples of narcissist abuse.
- Extreme condemnation or beratement, – You feel as if no matter what you do you are being put down on a level where the action does not meet the punishment . Most of the time the action is very minor, like not cleaning a plate well enough, paying $10 too much for groceries or returning home 10 minutes late. But this will be on a regular occurrence for everything .
- The feeling of extreme double standards – They will do what ever they want regardless of what you think. However if you ask if you can do the same thing you will be detoured from anything, especially if it is something that will make you happy.
- False trust or hope – A narcissist will give false hope or trust in a sense of saying that they are sorry for what they did to you. But on their level they are just working the(your) system so that they can pull you back in.
- Love as a trap – they may or may no love you but they will use the deep routed concept of love to manipulate you. They really don’t care about the word love and will sometimes say that they love you and turn around and say that they never loved you when they are upset. *writers note – I love deeply and understand that love is eternal and everlasting and realize that if love is used as a tool to manipulate someone it always ends up bad.
- Cheating – If you are in a relationship with a narcissist they will most likely cheat on you, but to them they have a right… However if you even talk to someone else of the opposite sex or the same sex you will most definitely be condemned, banished and manipulated. “Your choices were the worst choices that any human can ever make and you are the scum of the earth.” Even thought the choices they made were just the same.
- Public humiliation – they will do anything that they can to make you look bad to their friends, your friends or even the neighborhood. Keep your friends distant in this, because if they know your friends and family they will make sure to make you look bad to them.
- Played or asked to do too much – Many times a narcissist or psychic vampire will ask you to do things that they themselves would not do. You will be asked on a regular basis to be there for them in their time of need. When they call you have to pick up the phone or return their call promptly no matter what situation you are in. If you don’t expect a threat like them coming to your job, them calling your mother to bad mouth you, or getting cursed out.
- Extreme mood swings – One day they are extremely happy the next they are cursing the heavens for the situation they are in.
- No regards for other safety – during a mood swing (biPolar situation) they will have no regards for their safety or anyone else – think of a person who get bumped into on an elevator, in this situation the narcissist will drop a grenade in the elevator just to make their aggressive point.
- You will never be able to state your point or even speak – conversation hijacking is always their first defense. Regardless of whether you are right, they don’t care because they don’t believe in right and wrong or rational thinking, only in what they believe.
The Causes of Narcissism
There are much more symptoms and abuse to a Narcissist plight. However the human mind is vast and protects itself from mental anguish and stress. Narcissism can be and should be seen as a coping mechanism. Just as someone went though a hard time and their minds wiped certain traumatic events from their memory, a narccisst copes by becoming “usually” that which created them.
Narcissist are not bad people. They are just people who are coping with mental, physical and spiritual trauma in their lives. However, it will be very difficult to deal with them as a codependent or an emapth without becoming like them, shutting down or completely getting them out of your life. And one should not believe that they can help them without further damaging their need for false ego pumping.
The trauma that has been inflicted on a narcissistic person is usually a deep sense of physical, mental and sexual abuse. However the key to all of this is a deep sense of abandonment. Abandonment makes the difference between a narcissist and any other sociopathic behavior.
Life after codependency and empathy for a Narcissist
Remember you are not here to help those that don’t want to be helped. You need to create your clique, your army, your circle of friends that want to make a better place for the world. Narcissist are your barrier and are to be learned from.
At this point in your life you are on your way to making the world a better place and to reach higher consciousness. They were put in your way so that you can understand yourself and the people that will get in your way of your true goal. Break free of them in any way you can and don’t waste time on love and help for them. Because quite honestly there are others that deserve your love and help that will prosper and spread your good in the world.